Parastas in Romania: what it is and what it costs

The Orthodox memorial calendar

The Romanian Orthodox Church marks remembrance at set intervals after death. Each interval has a name and a specific church service (panahida or parastas). The table below lists the standard moments. The 3-month and 6-month marks are local Romanian custom rather than strict canonical law — they are widely observed but not universal across all parishes.

Coliva — meaning and preparation

Coliva is the central element of every parastas. It is made from boiled wheat grains mixed with ground walnuts, honey or sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon — then shaped into a mound, covered with icing sugar, and decorated with a cross and the deceased's initials in chocolate or raisins.

The symbolism comes from the Gospel of John (12:24): the grain of wheat that falls into the earth and dies, then bears much fruit. The candle placed in the centre of the coliva represents the soul still burning. After the church service the priest blesses the coliva, then it is distributed to all those present — a spoonful each, eaten in silence or with the words „Dumnezeu sa-l/s-o ierte” (God forgive him / God forgive her).

We make coliva and ritual breads (cozonac de pomenire, colaci) to order. Both are included in every parastas package we offer — the family does not need to source them separately.

The memorial meal: what is served, fasting rules, and address formulas

The meal after the church service is called masa de pomenire (remembrance meal) or agapa. It is not a celebration but a solemn sharing of food in the memory of the departed. The tone is quiet; alcohol is present but not the focus.

Fasting rules apply when the parastas falls during a Church fast (Advent, Great Lent, Apostles' Fast, Dormition Fast). During a strict fast, the meal is vegan: no meat, no dairy, no eggs. We adapt the menu accordingly — inform us when you book.

For Mosii Saturdays (collective remembrance), the meal is brief: coliva distributed at the cemetery or church gate, sometimes with bread and a small glass of wine.

Two address formulas you will hear and may want to use: „Dumnezeu sa-l ierte” (God forgive him) or „Dumnezeu sa-o ierte” (God forgive her) — said when handing someone a piece of coliva or bread. „Vesnica pomenire” (Eternal remembrance) is chanted by the choir at the end of the service. Both are appropriate to repeat as a guest.

What we organize — concretely, including from abroad

We handle the full logistics: church coordination (priest and cantor fee, included in our service fee), coliva and ritual bread preparation, meal delivery or catering setup at the agreed location (home, cemetery chapel, or restaurant), table setup, and on-site assistance throughout. The full traditional ceremony package includes the first memorial meal after burial.

For families based abroad, remote organization works as follows. You contact us by phone or WhatsApp, tell us the date and guest count. We confirm the church slot, prepare the food package, and on the day we send you photos of the setup before guests arrive. Video call connection during the service or meal is possible if you want to participate from a distance. Payment is made by bank transfer or card — no need to be present in Romania.

The 40-day parastas is the most frequently organized remotely. Many diaspora families time it on a Friday or Sunday so relatives in Romania can attend, while the family abroad joins by video.